My Dear Conservative Friends,
Sick of being left out of the party? Tired of constantly defending yourself against charges of racism, homophobia, sexism, and barbaric insensitivity toward those less fortunate? Had enough destroying personal relationships because of your silly principles? We have the solution. All you need to do is utter one little word and your troubles will be over! WATCH AND LEARN MORE!
Cheers,
Charlie
Also on You Tube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69KLvlua-T0
The Convention for the Common Good, an alliance of several major Catholic social justice organizations, has at long last graced the American electorate with its “Platform for the Common Good” to enlighten those who may have been on the verge of voting incorrectly.
“We must set aside our individual wants and partisan views” declares the platform. But of course. One would expect nothing less from a group “inspired by faith and building on our nation’s founding principles.”
The very non-partisan, painstakingly centrist “Platform for the Common Good” was hammered out in Philadelphia this past summer, evidently to improve upon the work of the Framers in 1787. You see Madison, Hamilton, Franklin, Washington et al seem to have been a bit myopic in their efforts.
“Our founders had a powerful vision for this nation. We have struggled for more than 200 years to build on that vision – and to renew and perfect the early ideals by making them real not just for a privileged few, but for all who reside within our boundaries. Furthermore, in today’s world we know we cannot be content with just a limited national focus. We are linked globally and must engage that reality as well.”
Heretofore, says the “Platform for the Common Good”, America has failed to live up to its promise. But fear not, there is HOPE for CHANGE.
“By working for the principles contained in this Platform for the Common Good, we will become the country that we say we are, authentically affirming what our founders wrote with pride.”
This all sounds a bit familiar but we just can’t seem to place it. No matter. The Convention for the Common Good is doing God’s work, addressing multiple American social ills that are “inextricably linked.”
“For example, we could not separate problems in our immigration system from unfair trade polices and discrimination – or the massive funding of war from an underfunding of education, health, and other human programs.”
The distinctly non-partisan, meticulously non-ideological platform is then presented in a sort of quasi-U.S. Constitution format as clearly the conventioneers are vastly familiar with the parameters and ramifications of that particular document.
A few highlights:
· Better regulate corporations and financial institutions
· Enhance workers’ rights to join unions without fear of harassment
· Sign and ratify international conventions that promote economic justice and human rights
· Work to lessen income disparities and to reform tax policies that favor the wealthy and corporate interests
· Ensure immigrants’ (legal? Illegal? Not clarified) rights to fair wages and safe working environments, and the rights to organize and join unions
· Support and promote programs that promote a fair distribution of resources and serve vulnerable populations
· Create community zoning that encourages mixed-use and mixed-income development along with green spaces (Fortunately, ACORN’s got this pretty well all sewn up.)
· Ensure that convenient, safe public transportation is available in all communities
· Reduce the military weapons budget and invest in basic human needs
· Restore the constitutional balance of power between the executive and legislative branches on the responsibility for using military force
· End the U.S. occupation of Iraq, remove U.S. combat troops, and accept responsibility for assisting Iraqi refugees and rebuilding civil society
· Support human life and dignity by approving and funding programs that promote the dignity of all life (e.g. quality housing, child care, healthcare, and nutrition assistance.)
· Create green and public works jobs to reduce unemployment
· End tax loopholes and other incentives that make it easier for businesses to leave the U.S.
· Institute affordable, universal quality healthcare
· Fully fund anti-hunger programs like food stamps and infant nutrition programs
· Increase education funding
· Pay teachers fair and adequate wages
· Increase funding for safe, affordable housing, especially for people who are homeless, and ensure inclusionary housing (again ACORN has this all handled)
· Pass legislation to conserve resources and address global warming
And one of particular interest…
· Promote policies that prevent and reduce abortions by supporting women and families.
(Note here the use of the verb “reduce.” The verb “abolish” is not here employed as it is in reference to the death penalty. We are merely to “reduce” abortion. Recall that this is a political statement by official adjuncts of the Catholic Church. Hmmm. Again, this language seems so familiar? Images of Greek columns and throngs of devoted come to mind but … we simply cannot place it.)
Now there are those cynically minded individuals among us who might claim that this “Platform for the Common Good” is as non-partisan as Dr. Howard Dean’s speed-dial menu. Some might even claim that the majority of it was cut-and-pasted directly from the DNC 2008 platform entitled, “Renewing America’s Promise” and declaring that “A great nation now demands that its leaders abandon the politics of partisan division and find creative solutions to promote the common good.” Still others might claim that the Platform’s authors seek to exploit the politically unsophisticated (i.e. most of the electorate) through strategic employment of terms such as “justice”, “dignity”, “rights”, “fair”, and “equal” to convince them that it is their Christian duty to grant the Federal government still more taxing authority by which to confiscate and redistribute as they see fit the incomes of hard working Americans.
We, of course, would never stoop to such cynicism. After all, the Convention for the Common Good is comprised of high-profile Catholic religious organizations such as Pax Christi USA, Franciscan Action Network, NETWORK a National Social Justice Lobby and many others. A perusal of any one of their websites will quickly reveal these organizations’ Herculean efforts to embrace and weigh the full-spectrum of political perspective regarding the key issues of our time.
Nonetheless, we do feel the conventioneers may have overlooked an item or two in their efforts to improve upon the work of the Framers. Thus it is in that spirit of immaculate non-partisanship, transcendent of all ideological bias, established by the Convention for the Common Good, we present our own fantastically non-partisan, unbiased, and unspeakably fair-minded recommended additions to their platform.
· Peace through strength. Increase and maintain defense spending at about four percent of gross domestic product to replace aging weapons and platforms. There is evil in the world and it must be checked. As selfish people often employ violence to gratify their desires, we must be prepared to stop them in order to protect the innocent; locally, nationally, and internationally
· Create jobs and reduce poverty by making the Bush tax cuts permanent, thereby enabling those paying the majority of taxes (i.e. “the rich”) to invest and spend their money on products, services, and opportunities they feel will provide the greatest return on investment.
· Further reduce poverty by reducing taxes that affect those of lower income most acutely: property taxes, sales taxes, gas taxes
· Limit Federal government authority (and thus spending) according to the parameters originally prescribed by the Constitution, thereby minimizing the need for excessive taxation
· Reduce the cost of living – felt most keenly by those of lower income - by repealing the ethanol mandate, relaxing superfluous environmental regulations on energy producing companies, and allowing domestic energy production to reinvigorate its capacity
· Eliminate all welfare programs – for both individuals and corporations – as they succeed only in breeding dependence, corruption, and the immoral transference of private property
· Abolish abortion except in cases of rape or incest.
· Expose and federally prosecute those organizations and individuals found guilty of enriching themselves by exploiting the poor, often masking their activities behind terms such as “justice”, “dignity”, “rights”, “fair”, and “equal.”
Lastly, in keeping with the conventioneer’s clever Constitution motif, we would close with a quote from the father of said Constitution, Mr. James Madison.
“The government of the United States is a definite government, confined to specific objects. It is not like the state governments, whose powers are more general. Charity is no part of the legislative duty of the government.” - James Madison, before the House of Representatives, 1794
Now then, with these additions, we believe the “Platform for the Common Good” provides voters a truly non-partisan Catholic perspective on the key issues.
We expect to see them incorporated soon after hell freezes over.
Among the more brilliant operations carried out by the radical Left in the 20th century was their infiltration of American religious institutions. In the Catholic Church, this was done through the machinations of what is called “Liberation Theology.” Doing so has provided Marxists a direct conduit to the hearts and minds of America’s best, through which to demoralize and undermine their faith in the founding principles of their nation on a weekly basis.
Thus, today when presented with unabashed Leftism as in the “Platform for the Common Good” and told it is in fact “Catholic Social Teaching,” legions of faithful bat not an eye and march obediently to the polls to “vote their conscience,” convinced at long last that, in fact, Jesus Is a Liberal.
In their 1848 smash hit “Manifesto of the Communist Party”, Marx and Engels scoffed, “Nothing is easier than to give Christian asceticism a socialist tinge.” The genius of the modern Left was their realization that the opposite is also true: nothing is easier than to give socialist asceticism a Christian tinge.
And lo, one by one, foundational institutions such as the Catholic Church which once demanded and inspired the best in man, now seek only to enable the worst in him.
Cheers,
Charlie
Obama SHALL win; Brunner and the Buckeye court declare it so. 
Fear not Earthlings, Gordon Brown – Britain’s avowed Socialist not-so-slow-motion-train wreck of a Prime Minister – is coming to the rescue.
