Jul 8, 2009

Our Interview with Satan

Churchill’s Parrot: Charlie Churchill’s Parrot here and joining us this evening is the Prince of Darkness himself, Satan. Mr. Satan, so gracious of you to be here.

Satan: Not at all.

CP: How are you, sir?

S: Never better.

CP: That’s most unfortunate. We must say we are a bit surprised to see you here. You’re not really one known for giving interviews are you?

S: You are correct. Historically my policy has been one of stealth; lurking in the shadows, masking my presence, et cetera, et cetera. There’s no cause for me to employ this strategy any longer, however.

CP: Truly? Might we ask why not?

S: No one believes in me anymore. I’ve made a joke of the very concept of evil, let alone belief in anything called “The Devil.”

CP: You don’t seem as distressed about that as one might expect.

S: Distressed? I relish in it. I am now as a hunter, utterly undetected by his prey, poised to pounce at the time of his choosing to make the final kill. Most exciting really.

CP: …yes well that is a bit chilling, isn’t it? And to what do you attribute this lack of “faith”, for want of a better term?

S: Well it certainly is no accident. My minions and I have worked for centuries to divert human beings in their intrinsic yearning for the light of Truth to the enervating conundrum that the Truth is there is no Truth. And when there is no Truth, there can be no evil. There are only preferences, which fair-mindedness prohibits people of conscience from judging. Now that this mind set has been acculturated world wide, I have effectively neutered mankind, morally speaking, and enjoy free reign on Earth.

CP: Well there it is then. What makes you believe this mind set – what we might paraphrase as Relativism - is any more a force in human events now than previous?

S: Obama.

CP: Er …Come again?

S: Obama. The ascendance of this man was the confirmation I required that this Relativism, as you put it, had become the dominant influence in the American ethos. Most of the rest of the world had adopted it decades ago, but Americans always clung to these despicable notions of self-evident truths, unalienable rights, and a “Creator” from which all emanated. Now, however, it looks as though they too have come to regard these concepts as nonsense and are more than willing to chuck them at the first hint of discomfort.

CP: Sadly you’ll get no argument from us on that. Tell us, what was your first clue about Obama?

S: The Saddleback Church Forum with Rick Warren, Obama, and Mc … McElroy?

CP: McCain.

S: Yes, McCain. You will recall Warren asked both candidates independently, “Does evil exist and, if so, should we ignore it, negotiate it with it, contain it, or defeat it?” McCain’s response: “Defeat it.” Obama, however, was far more academic, finessed, nuanced, and lengthy. I knew I had my man!

CP: Fascinating. Would you agree that we have seen that same dynamic played out in Mr. Obama’s reaction to sundry international crises of late: the Russian rape of Georgia, Al-Qaeda’s advance through Pakistan, the bald-faced threats of North Korea, the repression of the Iranian freedom movement, increased Iranian hostility toward Israel, ex-Honduran President, Manuel Zelaya’s, disregard for the Honduran constitution and the rule of law...?

S: Precisely! There are complexities to these issues. But at their core, each is plainly a manifestation of brute lust for power and disregard for human dignity. In the past, American leaders would publicly identify these acts as evil, and awaken the passions of righteousness in souls throughout the world. Now the leader of the free world merely furrows his brow and spouts meaningless equivocations laden with qualifiers and caveats. Delicious!

CP: President Jimmy Carter was of little more use in such instances, was he not? What’s the difference now?

S: Carter, though useful, was genuinely weak. Obama is not weak. He is a devout Relativist. Thus he believes quite deeply that America is no better than any other nation. That she has no special responsibility to maintain the peace in the world. That she has no right to the riches she enjoys. And that she is a bully and a rogue who must be brought to justice before the world. More importantly, Obama has the talent and the will to convert the unbelievers to this worldview.

CP: So much for current foreign policy. What about domestically?

S: Oh where shall I begin? We have had so many victories so quickly. We have virtually obliterated faith in free market principles and convinced free people to place their trust in an economy managed by a vigorous centralized government. We have convinced the gentle-hearted that their love of man can best be demonstrated, not through individual acts of mercy, but through government redistribution of wealth. We continue to advance the “knowledge” that man’s activities toward bettering himself are ultimately destructive to himself and to his planet. I mean I can’t help but giggle like a school girl when I think about Obama’s EPA successfully selling the assertion that human breath is a pollutant! You can’t imagine what sublimity that is to me.

But again, the most exquisite aspect of all this is that the American people voted for it. The AMERICAN people! This is the hope and change they chose. Mind boggling! Granted only about 10% were paying any attention when they did so, but apathy has always served me well and will continue to do so. My work here is nearly done.

CP: You must know there is a rather outspoken and passionate opposition to all this.

S: Oh yes, yes, but I have so thoroughly marginalized them and that which they advocate they are almost entirely irrelevant in the scheme of things; objects of ridicule and no more. I give you, Sarah Palin.

CP: Still your minions do have the tendency, from time to time, of overplaying their hands and awakening an authentic moral outrage in the common man.

S: Oh you’re quite right about that. Ham-fisted pity pimps and wild-eyed sociopaths have certainly spoiled the whole game for me in the past. But I need no longer concern myself with such buffoons. I’ve got my smooth-talking ace-in-the-hole in the driver’s seat now.

CP: We realize this is the age of “transparency” and all, but have you no reservations about laying out your strategy so plainly?

S: None whatsoever. Remember, I don’t exist. And, in the eyes of men, those who oppose me are pathetic lunatics lunging at phantoms. You cannot win.

CP: We can and we will. It’s just that you can’t imagine how we’ll do it at this point. Unfortunately, neither can we. But we possess something which you do not: Faith.

S: You are fools.

CP: Coming from you, that’s quite a compliment.

S: As you wish.

CP: Well we certainly have no shortage of other questions for you but we realize you have another engagement to attend.

S: Yes I’m overseeing the Jackson funeral and have a few loose ends to tie up.

CP: You don’t say. Well sir we wish you every obstacle, frustration, and failure in your future endeavors.

S: Likewise.

C: We have no doubt.

Jul 6, 2009

Victory in Iraq - So says Joe

Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, declared the Battle of Iraq won as United States troops withdrew from major cities this past week. (Beak tip: The Mudville Gazette). Perhaps you missed it? Perhaps everyone did? What with the Jackson funeral, the Governor Mark Sanford affair and so forth ...
Oh well. Er ... thanks guys.



Jul 1, 2009

The Hard Price of Liberty

In these times when so many throughout the Anglosphere appear committed to relinquishing their liberty for social welfare goodies, we do well to recount the price paid by those who won that liberty for us in the first place.

Here, on the occassion of the 233rd signing of the American Declaration of Independence, is one such recounting. (Beak tip to Mark Block of Americans for Prosperity).
Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of theRevolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists.

Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer,Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.
Something to ponder. Something to share. As we line up for our federal "freebies", what exactly are we providing in exchange? The 56 signers of the Declaration just might have something to say about that.