Ted Kennedy’s Form Letter on Iraq: a Rebuttal

Our good friend Senator Edward Kennedy sent us a heartfelt auto-response electronic form letter this past July 18 regarding the situation in Iraq, “the most pressing problem facing our nation,” he declares. On this we agree. Senator Kennedy’s auto-response electronic form letter was in reply to my letter to the United States Senate dispatched April 30. Normally, one might expect an auto-response electronic form letter turnaround of slightly less than two and one-half months, particularly regarding, “the most pressing problem facing our nation.” But given this is Senator Kennedy with whom we are dealing, this is pretty much on par.

In his auto-response electronic form letter (below), the good Senator demonstrates that he completely ignored or failed to grasp not only the content of my letter, but the past sixteen years of global history as well. He is not alone in this. Therefore, I invite the good Senator, and all those in concurrence with him on matters regarding Iraq, to peruse my Iraq Invasion Anniversary Online Refresher Course (free of charge) for an in-depth review - first view for many - of the rationale behind Operation Iraqi Freedom. For those allergic to words, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow recently provided a concise and elegantly composed synopsis of the matter which we endorse whole heartedly.

Following is Senator Kennedy’s auto-response electronic form letter in its entirety with my non-auto response non-form commentary interspersed in bold.

Dear Mr.: (sic). No name. Always a nice touch when attempting to establish that interpersonal relationship. Thank you for your letter on the situation in Iraq. (You’re welcome. I had hoped, of course, you might actually read it but …) It’s the most pressing problems facing our nation, (Agreed) and I appreciate this opportunity to share my views. (Yes, but by all means Senator, take your time!)

I, and all Americans, support our troops. (Yes and as they say, with friends like you, who needs enemies?) They’ve fought and continue to fight bravely, and we owe them an extraordinary debt of gratitude. (Here, here!) Unfortunately, the President has failed to give our troops a policy worthy of their sacrifice. (American troops never have and never will sacrifice “for a policy.” They are sacrificing for the safety, security, and interests of the United States of America; small point of differentiation there.) He failed them when he sent them into a misguided war (yes we all prefer those “guided” wars don’t we? Much less chaotic and bloody) without a plan to win the peace. (I believe “victory” is the word Senator, as in victory = peace.) He failed them when he sent them into battle without adequate equipment, (thus necessitating that major military operations for toppling the Hussein regime take all of three weeks rather than the hoped for two) and he continues to fail them by relying on a military solution to violence that requires a political solution.(The effectiveness of said political solutions being proven throughout the entirety of the Clinton Administration, The Iraq Liberation Act of 1998, and U.N Resolutions 686, 687, 688, 949, 1060, 1051, 1115, 1134, 1154, 1194, 1205, and 1284)

When the President announced the current troop surge, he claimed it would be limited in size and duration. We have now sent nearly 30,000 troops as part of the surge (that would be the “limited size” part of the surge, Senator), and still the President says we must wait longer for results (actual military operations of the surge commenced June 19, Senator. General Petraeus was given at least until September to officially report on the results of the new counter-insurgency strategy. Patience Senator. Patience.) It’s obvious that the surge has failed. (Courage, perseverance, forbearance, vision … you’ll get none of that here. My good Senator I recommend you spend some time with the following: http://www.victorycaucus.com/, http://www.michaelyon-online.com/, http://www.mudvillegazette.com/ among many others.)

Violence continues unabated in Baghdad and has spread across the country. (Even your own media isn’t claiming this anymore, Senator.) The political progress that was supposed to accompany the surge has yet to materialize. (Perhaps your constant calls for abandoning the process play a role in this?) The promised reconciliation between religious and ethnic groups, the restructuring of the oil industry, and other basic reforms and benchmarks have yet to be achieved. (And with your help Senator, and that of your Lefty associates, they never will be.) As long as our troop commitment remains open-ended, and we continue to fight their civil war for them, the Iraqis will have no incentive to make the hard political choices necessary. (My dear Senator, are you insinuating that open-ended government programs breed in people an unhealthy dependence upon government? Better strike that line before Al-MoveOn gets wind of it.)

We have given the President every opportunity to show progress, (and, might I add, you have been most gracious and respectful in doing so) but our soldiers face an increasingly violent and deadly insurgency. (Well actually, that’s not true at this point Senator, owing to the surge which you indicate has “failed.”) Congress and the American people have lost faith in the Administration’s competence and its ability to manage the war. (That’s not entirely true either, Senator. Perhaps you should visit Vets for Freedom, as well as virtually any of the four million plus conservative blogs and websites on the Internet.) It’s time to change course in Iraq. (Why are we headed for a bridge or something? OCC – Obligatory Chappaquiddick Cheap shot ™.)

The President must listen to Congress and the American people, begin to withdraw our troops from Iraq, and develop a serious plan to move forward. (Yes thereby ushering America into an era of demoralization, decline, and defenselessness matched only by the post-Vietnam surrender nightmare.)

Again, thank you for sharing your views on the war. (My pleasure, Senator) I’ll continue to do all I can in Congress to see that our forces are withdrawn (But that wasn’t among the views you just thanked me for sharing with you, Senator) and that our nation adopts a competent and attainable policy for Iraq. (Excellent. You’ll be resigning then?)

Sincerely, (Oh this means a great deal coming from the likes of you, Senator)


Edward M. Kennedy

Senator, I conclude with a quote from Sir Winston Churchill, from which your own brother borrowed liberally (and to great effect) in his inaugural address. I ask that you, and all who agree with you, consider these words and the Spirit behind them before issuing your next bleatings for surrender:

"We have surmounted all the perils and endured all the agonies of the past. We shall provide against and thus prevail over the dangers and problems of the future, withhold no sacrifice, grudge no toil, seek no sordid gain, fear no foe. All will be well. We have, I believe, within us the life-strength and guiding light by which the tormented world around us may find the harbour of safety, after a storm-beaten voyage."

—Sir Winston Churchill, November 9, 1954

Cheers,

Charlie

The Fairness Fairies' Tough Row to Hoe

In the name of all that is just, equal, and above all FAIR, our champions of same (i.e. the Lefties) have courageously proffered the re-instatement of the Fairness Doctrine. So doing would ensure that the rabid, blood-thirsty, hate-mongering of talk radio be always tempered by equal portions of principled Progressivism. While the Fairness Fairies were dealt a slight blow, earlier this month, they, nonetheless, persist undaunted.

Thus far, the Fairness Fairies have primarily focused their efforts on sanitizing talk radio. Recent developments, however, have brought to light the urgent need for extending the Fairness Doctrine’s glorious leveling blades deep into ALL forms of public expression.

For example, The New Republic, having published a series of utterly fabricated articles intended solely to slander the character of the United States Military , would – were the Fairness Doctrine in place – be now required to run a nice story about our men and women in uniform handing out pencils or something; possibly even a retraction of the aforementioned stories and an admission that they were penned by the editor’s seventeen year old dope supplier. (We shall not hold our breath.)

As it was, however, a vast army of Right-Wing bloggers were required to reveal that the stories were, in fact, complete and utter rubbish. While some might argue this is a good thing – the market of ideas in the hands of free people regulating itself – we see this rather as further evidence of the dire need for swift and ruthless implementation of the Fairness Doctrine.

For while it is roundly understood that Rush Limbaugh is the source of all that is evil and horrid, merely neutralizing him and his cronies will not suffice. There are magazines to monitor and regulate, thousands of them. There is television. Thousands of newspapers across the land, literally millions of blogs, billboards, direct mail, telemarketing campaigns, door-to-door advocacy groups, bumper stickers, signs on buses, aircraft banners, yard signs, table tents at restaurants, posters, flyers, pamphlets, fortune cookies, and loon-cakes walking the streets shouting their unbalanced opinions – all often going unopposed.

This will not do. Is it fair that a man on his morning commute might encounter a bumper sticker reading, “F%#$*@# BUSH!” No. Is it fair that a woman picking her children up from work might hear Sean Hannity declare, “The Fairness Doctrine is an all out affront to the First Amendment plain and simple!” No. What is wanted is a wave of the legislative wand to make all this turmoil and unfairness go away, removing forever the scourge of critical thinking from the busy personal agendas of the American people.

Fairness Fairies, it’s a big job you’ve got before you. But with your eyes on the prize of fairness (and your hands on the controls of the tank), we are confident you will succeed in restoring fairness and civility to political discourse amongst the American people, even if you have to kill every last one of them to do it.

Cheers,

Charlie

New York Times Completely Bollixes Two Stories RE: Iraq War

(Our recent Press Release dispatched to The Associated Press, Knight Ridder/Tribune Info Services, The New York Times News Service, and United Press International)

July 18, 2007 – New York. In an unprecedented … In an inexplicable … In depressingly familiar fashion, owing to utter irresponsibility or flagrant Lefty bias, the New York Times - once the United States’ “Newspaper of Record” and to this day an organ of significant influence in determining the nation’s daily news agenda – recently published two items regarding the war in Iraq that that were almost entirely rubbish.

First was the editorial, “The Road Home,” appearing in the issue dated 8, July, 2007.

“It is rare that an editorial gets almost everything wrong, but ‘The Road Home’ pulls it off,” says military historian, columnist, political essayist, and former classics professor Victor Davis Hanson.

Most injurious about the editorial is not so much its wholesale alienation from fact, but its unabashed declaration of defeat and advocacy for surrender under the pretense of speaking in the national interest. Thus, Hanson provides a rather devastating point-by-point refutation of the “The Road Home” in his essay, “The New York Times Surrenders” illustrating how preposterously wrong and morally bankrupt such arguments are.

The second offense took place 15, July, 2007 in a piece entitled “As Loved Ones Fight On, War Doubts Arise” which claims families of soldiers currently fighting in Iraq are turning against the war in droves. Some Soldier’s Mom demonstrates what great pains the Times took in producing this preposterously skewed portrayal in her rebuttal, More Dishonesty from the NYT.

“The NYT publishes information that supports the reporter's or the NYT's opinions as if it were fact and the only fact,” says Some Soldier’s Mom. “You shame the honored history of your publication -- and sully true journalists everywhere. SHAME ON YOU.”

In an effort to help the Gray Lady preserve what’s left of her reputation, we recommend she check in with any or all of the following before issuing further tripe regarding the war in Iraq, Afghanistan et al: http://www.mudvillegazette.com/. http://www.blackfive.net/, http://michaelyon-online.com/, http://www.vetsforfreedom.org/ . There are several others, but here’s a fine start.

“The Islamists believe we can’t win; so does the New York Times,” concludes Hanson “But it falls to the American people to decide the issue.”

Huzzah, huzzah say we!

###

Via his web log, www.churchillsparrot.com, Charlie, Sir Winston Churchill’s 107 year old pet parrot, provides regular injections of the Churchillian spirit, in an effort to reinvigorate the flagging will of Western Civilization.

Caliphate 101

A bold and decisive measure was taken last week in the Left’s tireless campaign to secure the annihilation of Western Civilization. British curriculum advisors have deemed irrelevant the person of Sir Winston Churchill - words, deeds legacy and all - to their vision of a proper 21st century curriculum for the children of England. They have advocated then the removal of Sir Winston from the list of figures secondary school children must learn about.

Doing so will evidently clear up valuable class time for far more urgent issues such as global warming, the ravages of drug and alcohol abuse, and how to practice sexual promiscuity and not have your genitals turned into carrion.

Naturally there remain one or two individuals who protest as patently absurd the removal of the single most vital human being to 20th century England - and one of the most significant in all British history, not to mention Western Civilization - from English history books. But such thinking is clearly out of fashion, and likely to fail.

For more than forty years the Lefties have – via school, story, and song - incrementally diminished, distorted, and discredited Western Civilization’s contributions to the human story so successfully that now the suggestion of removing Sir Winston Churchill from school history curricula is regarded a matter of serious debate. Clearly it is only a matter of time until (if not already) our progeny will have lost all will to defend their cultural inheritance as they will believe whole-heartedly it is nothing worth defending.

But that isn’t enough. Our children deserve better. Therefore, for their sake, we recommend these curriculum advisors not stop at half-measures, but proceed full Monty. If our children are to be charged with surrendering our entire history and way of life to the highest bidder, we should at least better prepare them for the task. An aggressive regimen of pro-Caliphate coursework ought be immediately introduced into elementary, middle, and secondary schools (most colleges and universities already provide such programs) throughout England and the United States. Recommended areas of focus include:
* The Qur’an
* Arabic Languages
* Shari’a 101
* The Joys of Dhimmitude
* Euroabia Today
* Those Cursed Jews
* Beheading Basics
* The Evils of Christianity
* IEDs for Beginners
* The Evils of Capitalism
* Suicide Vests with Sass!
* The Evils of England
* Crafting Really Scary Threats
* The Evils of America
* The Evils of All That Is Not Islam … and more!

Prepared in this way, our children and our children’s children will fare far better, poised for success in the global Caliphate the Lefties are so eager to help our Islamaniac brethren establish.

Cheers,

Charlie

* Our thanks to the Ever-Extraordinary Lady Malkin for originally alerting us to this matter.
* For further commentary from yours truly, visit The Sun Online.

Ennui the People

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill

"The American people are war-fatigued," declared Republican congressman Ray LaHood on CNN, May 10, 2007. He was explaining the rationale behind the previous day’s meeting between Republican congressmen and Bushie, wherein said congressmen warned said Bushie that their patience regarding Operation Iraqi Freedom would not last beyond September … coming to an end somewhere in the vicinity of the 15th or 16th of the month, approximately 4:30 p.m. EST.

A month later, on the Senate floor, Republican Senator Richard Lugar issued his now famous call for a “course change in Iraq.” (Evidently Senator Lugar’s staffers neglected to inform him that General Petraeus’ Operation Arrowhead Ripper had begun just days earlier.) In this heroic oratory, the clearly over-worked Senator used the term “fatigued” three times:

“Our debate is being driven by partisan political calculations and understandable FATIGUE with bad news -- including deaths and injuries to Americans.”

“The second factor working against our ability to engineer a stable government in Iraq is the FATIGUE of our military.”

“We cannot allow FATIGUE and frustration with our Iraq policy to lead to the abandonment of the tools and relationships we need to defend our vital interests in the Middle East.”

(We can only hope the good Senator was able to steal a quick nappy after this performance.)

Most recently, Senator Pete Domenici joined the ranks of Republicans suddenly sensitized to the war fatigue devastating the American public at present, publicly wagging his finger at Bushie and warning that GOP patience is running out. (Evidently Senator Domenici’s staffers also neglected to inform him of significant progress made as a result of Operation Arrowhead Ripper after little more than a fortnight.)

Actually these GOP Senators are late to the game. For the beleaguered American people have been suffering from Iraq War Fatigue (IWF) since 2005, a full two-years after the beginning of the conflict! And who could blame them; what with the endless news stories of thousands of soldiers killed each month; the arduous economic controls put in place to fuel the war machine; the burdensome rationing of gasoline, sugar, meat, butter, coffee, tires, shoes, and clothing; the near nightly air-raid drills; the … oh wait. Wrong war. Sorry. At 107, one war starts to look rather like another.

Cutting to the chase, the American people are not so much FATIGUED as they are BORED. Here we are referring not to soldiers and their families who, while they have every right to be fatigued in every sense of the word, remain as a group vastly in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. We are referring to the other 280 million Americans polls indicate an increasing percentage of whom are “dissatisfied”, “impatient”, and “FATIGUED” by the war in Iraq.

If such polls are to be believed, they provide blistering commentary on the pathetic state – not of Operation Iraqi Freedom – but of the American people, who it would seem are demonstrating precisely the bankruptcy of character and dearth of fortitude the Islamaniacs accuse them of and are banking on, for only thus can victory be theirs. (Thank you General Giap.)

Needless to say, Congress persons who have until recently supported Operation Iraqi Freedom but now pander to these infantile and ultimately suicidal impulses alleged of the American people, reveal themselves an order of being lower even than Lefties, for at least Lefties have their “Bush Lied People Died” nursery rhymes to justify their bleatings for surrender.

The fact remains, America can fight the Islamaniacs in the Middle East now, or fight them in the streets of the U.S. later. Fatiguing or not, this is the only real choice.

By way of perspective, I give you the following:

"I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined this Government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many long months of toil and struggle.

"You ask what is our policy. I will say, it is to wage war with all our might, with all the strength that God can give us, to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime.

"You ask what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs. Victory in spite of all terror. Victory however long and hard the road may be. For without victory there is no survival."
- Sir Winston Churchill’s first speech as Prime Minister, May 13, 1940.

Now buck up. Stiff upper. And let’s back at it!

Cheers,

Charlie

A Manifesto for Unilateralist Cowboys

“We must never cease to proclaim in fearless tones the great principles of freedom and the rights of man which are the joint inheritance of the English-speaking world and which through Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights, the Habeas Corpus, trial by jury, and the English common law find their most famous expression in the American Declaration of Independence.”
- Sir Winston Churchill - March 5, 1946

If you remember nothing else, remember this: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Happy birthday America!

Cheers,

Charlie

CHURCHILL’S PARROT EXCLUSIVE: Intercepted Letter from Al-Zawahiri to Al-Qaeda U.K.

Fortunately, as Bushie and Blair have illegally wire-tapped not only every telephone in the free world but every computer as well, those of us in positions of influence within the VRWC (Vast Right Wing Conspiracy) are treated occasionally to exceptionally delicious communications. Following is one such communication, intercepted and translated June 30, 2007, hours after the third botched bombing attempt in the United Kingdom.

From: Al-Zawahiri
To: Saleed Salam al-Muqtallahd, Chief Operating Officer, Al Qaeda U.K.

My gracious brother Saleed Salam, God protect you and watch over you. May His religion, and His Book and the Sunna of His Prophet aid him, I ask the Almighty that he bless …oh sod it!

YOU MORONS! What the hell is going on over there? For the love of Sayf Kattab Al- Mahmoud, 3 - THREE - failed bombings in TWO days? I could behead myself!!! And now two of these stooges are in custody. As if it wasn’t bad enough they have crystal clear photographs of “Al-Einstein” staggering from the unexploded Mercedes #1 in which he also left his cell phone fully loaded with key incoming and outgoing phone numbers!

Do you have the slightest conception what kind of damage this does to our organization? Where, tell me, WHERE did you get these camel’s asses? Do they know how to push a button? It’s not like blowing yourself up all to hell requires a great deal of brain-power! You can’t just leave the car full of gasoline and nails parked (illegally mind you) out in the street, YOU-HAVE-TO-DETONATE-IT!!! Did you forget to share with them that little portion of the play book? Mercedes parked in the middle of a crowded London street: not terror. Mercedes exploding in the middle of a crowded London street: terror. That’s what we do: TERROR, remember?

And as for those Glasgow Goofs…I don’t even know where to start! One of them frantically pouring gasoline over his SUV and trying to light it; the other one inside, engulfed in flames like a human tiki torch … SOMEBODY GET ME SOME OPIUM! I haven’t had chest pains like these since Qu’ralid Dakshathi put pictures of a G.I. Joe doll on the internet and claimed it was a captured American soldier! It’s not like we’re battin’ 1000 lately. Were the infidel media not entirely in our back pocket, the name “Al-Qaeda” would inspire, not terror, but GALES OF LAUGHTER!!!

I am tempted to turn myself in. At Guantanamo, Osama and I’d get three square meals a day, first-rate health care, a quiet orderly environment in which to sleep and pray, a killer book deal, and best of all WE COULD TELL THE INFIDELS WHERE TO FIND ALL OF YOU SO THEY COULD ROOT YOU OUT AND SQUASH YOU LIKE THE WORTHLESS COCKROACHES YOU ARE!!! You have been warned.

In closing, I ask God entrust you all with His guardianship, providence and protection, and bless you all in your families, possessions and offspring yadaa, yadaa, yadaa…

Your “loving brother” Al-Zawahiri