“What we have now in the DNC is not a political party but a hideous, brainless, zombified caricature of what once was the Democratic Party of the United States,” declares the study’s director, Morton Clathwock, Ph.D., Dean of Political Science at Hipslawn College in Ipswich, Massachusetts.
The study cites, among other things, DNC leadership’s phony complaints about phony controversies over phony soldiers, constant references to unidentified flying economic woes, and, of course, the championing of causes which don’t exist such as man-made global warming.
“These guys make Don Quixote look like an actuary,” adds Clathwock. “At least his delusions had something to do with honor!”
Charlie – Churchill’s Parrot, Executive Director of the Churchill’s Parrot Foundation, says he called for the study in response to increasing reports of monstrously reckless behavior on the part of leaders in the American Democratic Party.
“There is a school of thought which maintains that the Democrats have always existed antithetically to America; from the cowardly Copperheads at Lincoln’s heels to the Socialists behind FDR’s New Deal and Johnson’s Great Society debacle,” says Churchill’s Parrot. “Through all this, however, the party and its advocates were at least to some degree deferential to the central hypothesis of the American experiment. Our study makes clear these New Lefties just want to blow up the laboratory!”
The study postulates that in a representative government such as that of the United States, a political party needs to actually represent something of substance in order to actually exist.
Dr. Clathwock explains. “Republicans generally represent the principles of what today in America is known as ‘Conservatism’: limited government, national defense, free enterprise, individual liberty, and traditional American i.e. Judeo-Christian values. In truth these are the principles which gave rise to the creation of the United States itself and its Constitution.” Clathwock says that a party’s success or failure in advancing policy in accord with its stated principles provide a means by which you can measure its vitality. “The body’s vital signs if you will,” illustrates Clathwock. “The Republicans are good here, not so good there, and so on. The Democrats? We can’t even find the body!”
In fact, what DNC positions could be identified by the study’s specially designed Issues Matrix™ pinpointed them Left of Maoist China and slightly Right of total anarchy.
“Amnesty for illegal aliens and ‘out of Iraq now’ for the anarchists; universal health care, government bailouts for homeowner mortgages , and the Kyoto Protocol for the socialists. There’s nothing for America in any of this,” says Clathwock.
The study concludes that today’s DNC does not constitute a viable political party presenting any serious option for American voters. “What you have is a loose confederation of malcontents, nihilists, lunatics, and children,” explains Clathwock. “Unfortunately, with the aid of a complicit media, you have nearly 50% of the American population taking this rot seriously. Forty years of demonizing the Right has paid off. After all, who wants to be painted as a greedy racist, homophobe, prude as surely you will be the minute you vote Republican.”
Dr. Clathwock says by all indications the Democartic party actually died the night of February 27, 1968 when President Lyndon Johnson abdicated responsibility for American foreign policy to Walter Cronkite and CBS News.
“That was really the end of it,” says Clathwock. “The party had gone from – ‘we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty’ - to letting a twit like Cronkite paint victory as defeat. After that, everything ‘Democratic Party’ has just been putrefaction and decay. I give you Dennis Kucinich.”
Clathwock and the study’s authors warn, however, that a dead DNC is by no means a harmless DNC. “This thing we have today that calls itself The Democratic Party is a dangerous creature. A corpse enchanted by the funds of millionaire Marxists , inflated with feel-good rhetoric, this brain-eating zombie of a party will do whatever it has to to keep itself alive, regardless of the consequences. Consider yourselves warned!”
Via his web log, http://www.churchillsparrot.com/, Charlie, Sir Winston’s 107 year old pet parrot, endeavors to reinvigorate flagging Western Civilization through regular injections of the Churchillian spirit, so desperately lacking in the enfeebled, addle-brained “culture” left us in the wake of the 1960’s.