May 17, 2007

Open Proposal to Children’s Television Producers


My Dear Children’s Television Producers,

By now I’m sure you are quite familiar with your Palestinian colleague’s ingenious production Tomorrow’s Pioneers (a.k.a. The Pioneers of Tomorrow) featuring a monstrous yet strangely familiar mouse named Farfur and his young sidekick Saraa teaching children about the importance of drinking milk, daily prayer, martyrdom, and Islamic dominion over the world.

Farfur: "Sanabel, what will you do for the sake of Al-Aqsa Mosque? How will you sacrifice your soul for the sake of Al-Aqsa"?

Sanabel: "I will shoot… We will annihilate the Jews … I will commit martyrdom."

Magical!

While it was originally reported that the program was to be cancelled, the Al -Aqsa Satellite TV Channel is now vehemently defending the show and denouncing its critics. Producers cite the program’s noble message which aims to produce a believing generation that will bear the noble values of Islam and spread goodness and justice in Palestine and the world.

Other than the shooting, annihilating Jews, and advocacy of martyrdom, I submit that these producers are onto something - a sincere desire to instill the values of a culture into its future leaders – and that it is high time we in the West do the same.

Thus I propose to you, "Charlie the Parrot’s Finest Hour" – a one-half hour program full of fun, singing, dancing, and exegesis of the texts, philosophies, and events that are the foundation of Western Civilization. The kiddie-winkies will LOVE it!

Hosted by, of course, yours truly - Winston Churchill’s lovable 107 year-old parrot - the program would consist of my cavorting and frolicking with a cavalcade of enchanting characters, all the while subtly instilling in our youthful viewers that strict adherence to the concepts of limited government, individual liberty, free enterprise, and Judeo-Christian values constitute mankind’s only hope of maintaining a society that has anything to do with respect for human dignity.

The highlight of each episode, however, would be a visit from "Uncle Winston", an actor (classically trained of course) made-up to play the part of Prime Minister Churchill Himself and declaiming some of His quotes most inspiring to the future leaders of the free world:

"We have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."

***
"We have surmounted all the perils and endured all the agonies of the past. We shall provide against and thus prevail over the dangers and problems of the future, withhold no sacrifice, grudge no toil, seek no sordid gain, fear no foe. All will be well. We have, I believe, within us the life-strength and guiding light by which the tormented world around us may find the harbour of safety, after a storm-beaten voyage."

***
"This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Why it practically writes itself! And what child wouldn’t delight in hearing – many for the first time – that their’s is a civilization based, not upon racism and greed as they are instructed in school, but rather upon the notion that all men are created equal and that their lives, liberty, and pursuit of happiness are rights granted them by God which no human being has the right to take away from them.

I’m sure you’ll agree it is worth wedging this little gem within your agendas, right between The Teletubbies and Buster’s daily celebrations of the joys of diversity, alternative lifestyles, and tolerance of pretty much anything at all.

Those who consider themselves our enemies are preparing their children to fight for what they believe in. What are we teaching our children?

Cheers,

Charlie

(For further enquiries regarding our proposed production of "Charlie the Parrot’s Finest Hour" please contact my manager, Alquastria Loppingshears at: Alquastria.Loppingshears@Loppingshearspublicrelations/mediacontact~appearances/churchills.parrot//contract13582.placement/net

1 comment:

darj55 said...

I don't think you understand. NPR, for example, would find Tomorrow's Pioneers much more acceptable than Charlie the Parrot's Finest Hour. Why? Because Tomorrow's Pioneers is much more environmentally friendly.
They also teach children along with daily prayers, etc. that it is a sin to use toilet paper. The latest harrangue of radical environmentalists in the U.S. is also that we should stop using toilet paper, but for the purpose of saving trees. Reversing civilization 1500 years and turning the entire world into a stinking open cesspool of filth as the Islamists intend to do is right in line with the objectives of the radical environmentalists.
Maybe they would compromise their freedom and see all forms of tolerance "wiped" out to save mother earth.