What Would Winston Do?

"We have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."

- Sir Winston Churchill before the Canadian Parliament, Ottawa, 30 December 1941.

Iran and the U.K. sailors – rarely do we find a more delicious opportunity for us to pose the question which is the genesis of this Site: WHAT WOULD WINSTON DO?

At present, Prime Minister Tony Blair is reduced to paying gratuitous homage to the grand blundering do-nothing that is the United Nations, requesting words of “harsh condemnation” against Iran for its blatantly illegal and recklessly provocative actions against the United Kingdom. In the three to four months it will take the U.N.-sters to agree on the menu for the lunch to be served at the meeting at which they propose to eventually commence the careful selection of said harsh words, the British soldiers will be dead and/or the credibility of England and the United States will be further decimated in the eyes of the Middle East and the entire world.

Naturally, we would argue, this is entirely unacceptable, not to mention suicidal. Tests of our strength must always be met full on. I am, once again, reminded of Sir Winston’s eloquence as uttered in 1946 before a captivated audience in Missouri:

“Our difficulties and dangers will not be removed by closing our eyes to them. They will not be removed by mere waiting to see what happens. Nor will they be removed by a policy of appeasement. What is needed is a settlement, and the longer this is delayed, the more difficult it will be, and the greater our dangers will become. I am convinced that there is nothing for which they have less respect than for weakness, especially military weakness. For that reason, the old doctrine of balance of power is unsound. We cannot afford, if we can help it, to work on narrow margins, offering temptations to a trial of strength. If the Western democracies stand together in strict adherence to these principles, no one is likely to molest them. If, however, they become divided or falter in their duty, and if these all-important years are allowed to slip away, then indeed catastrophe may overwhelm us all.”

And so – you are no doubt wondering – what WOULD Winston do in an instance such as currently confronts us? Allow me to channel. I am seeing ... a letter …

My Dear President Ahmadinejad,

Release my sailors. Immediately and unharmed. If my sailors are not in British custody – unharmed – by next Wednesday the 4th of April, 2007 at 12:00 pm you can most assuredly expect the following consequences:
1. An intensive rescue team will be immediately dispatched to retrieve our sailors.
2. This rescue team will have at its beck and call the full might of British and U.S. military resources currently surrounding your entire country.
3. Any and all attempts to thwart this rescue effort will be met with the force necessary to crush said attempts.
4. If any harm should come to any of our sailors or rescue team members during this operation - either by your forces, our own, or pure happenstance – you will be held entirely responsible.
5. Any harm coming to these or any British military personnel in such circumstances will be deemed a declaration of war upon the British Empire and her Allies and will result in the appropriate consequences.

Rest assured we seek nothing more than the safe release of these sailors into British custody. All other issues existing between your nation and mine at present are separate matters entirely. Regarding those separate matters, however, your failure to comply to the above in any way will weigh heavily in your disfavor in all future “negotiations.”

Best Regards,

Sir Winston Churchill, Prime Minister

P.S. Enclosed please find my gift of a new map and GPS device. Such tools may prove useful in your avoiding such asininity in the future. No need to thank me. As for your utter lack of integrity, I am aware of no practicable remedy.

What shall actually come to pass? You’ll need to consult somebody else’s parrot for that.

Cheers,

Charlie