WHEREAS: Our beloved Britain refuses to repent from her salacious and suicidal obsession with socialism; and
WHEREAS: We’re really quite deeply loathe living in a pet store; and
WHEREAS: The family of our personal secretary, Mr. B. Walter Farley, finds us to be irresistibly cute and cuddly; and
WHEREAS: The United States of America, the Last Best Hope of Mankind, is clearly on its last leg and in need of all the help it can get; now
THEREFORE: I, Charlie Churchill’s Parrot, do hereby proclaim my defection from the United Kingdom and my establishment of my residency with Mr. Farley and family in Wisconsin, USA – a region, we’re told, once referred to as, “The Heartland of America.”
In witness thereof, we have hereunto set our wing and caused the Seal of Executive Authority to be affixed this twenty-seventh day of March in the year of our Lord, two thousand and ten.
Very well then, enough with the formalities, what’s all this about?
A world without an American America is a world within which I do not wish to live. Neither does anyone else; it’s just that an unfortunately large number are too bloody daft to realize it!
Now that the current American government has openly declared war on the American people and their Constitution, a world without an American America is a distinct possibility. (For anyone presuming that by “American America” we make reference to some form of racial component, you need to piss off posthaste!)
Therefore, like Davy Crockett to the Alamo, we hereby publically and heroically (and with characteristic humility) dedicate our 110 year old life, our fortune such that it is, our sacred honor, our fabulous celebrity, and the entirety of our wit and wisdom to the increasingly imperiled American cause; a cause we believe remains, as Thomas Paine declared, in large measure the cause of all mankind.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!